New Moon: May
As I sit outside on the picnic table, a vulture looms above, soaring through blue, soaring through a mass of sun-illuminated color.
And now with that sentence, the page is no longer blank. I have set the stage for this entry—and even for this diary, as this is the first entry—with the symbolism of a large bird who spends its days searching for death to devour, reshaping loss into life.
Today, I have been thinking about a few projects that I started since my life was turned upside down back in 2021-2022.
I did manage to finish one big project—my memoir, and self-published this beauty in April 2025. I was scared yet courageous enough to come out of the writing closet and debut a new website with a story, ripe with vulnerability, about the trials and tribulations of self-discovery. I was unable to convert bravery into sales and sold only a select few books to friends and family, and gave a handful away. It was not the release I tried not to imagine. I tried not to have expectations, but of course, they came rushing out when no one was there rushing in to buy my book.
I held expectations of its success, even just a smidge. I expected the universe to congratulate me for listening to its guidance. Expectations, because I had done it before. Earned a living from my previous work as a knitwear designer and as a producer of a self-publishing craft magazine, which was a lucrative creative outlet, so why would this new work of writing about my life be any different?
Hahahaha. That’s a fake laugh, if you can’t tell. After the memoir was published, I stumbled. Releasing online projects willy nilly, renaming them just about every month. Yes, I speak of a Substack newsletter I could not quite quit when I failed to gather subscribers—but I could not quite commit to it as a practice either. I was having trouble creating anything that felt truly true.
But through all the messy missteps, with the help of my husband, I started a podcast called The Harmony Channel. I wasn’t clear what I wanted to say, but I used pieces of my books as material for several episodes, and I got used to using my creative voice in a literal way.
As I started to plan out Season Two, which I thought would take only a couple of weeks to sort out, took months. I wanted to launch it in March, and now it is mid-May, and I am still not completely ready. And so, on a Taurus New Moon, I am contemplating lost projects. (And more, lots more—my Chiron is in Taurus. I’m just focusing on the project part here.)
I have been deep in a transformative, mysterious place, ripe with change, hardships, and possibilities.
The vulture has flown off, no longer in my sight line. Perhaps it flew off to another artist and author, to help them pick away the flesh of what is no longer needed. Pick away to the meat, to the fat, to the bones of what is essential. More soon.
Much love,
C. Rose xo
